Reflections
by Higuchimon
Summary: Haou is not suited to reflecting. But there are moments when he considers his past and how he's changed, and how he hasn't.


**Disclaimer:** I own nothing involved in this story unless I invented it myself. This is written for fun, not for profit. All forms of feedback eagerly accepted. Concrit is loved the most, but everything is welcome.  
 **Fandom:** Yu-Gi-Oh GX  
 **Title:** Reflections  
 **Character:** Yuuki Juudai  
 **Word Count:** 3,060|| **Status:** One-shot  
 **Genre:** General|| **Rated:** PG-13  
 **Challenge:** Written for the Diversity Writing Challenge, section F27, fic that is T rated; Written for the Advent 2015 challenge, day #25, roll a die to determine how many chapters the story has: one-shot  
 **Summary:** Haou is not suited to reflecting. But there are moments when he considers his past and how he's changed, and how he hasn't.

* * *

Reflecting didn't suit Haou very well. He was a warrior of action, not silent thought. Thinking, like dreaming, brought images he preferred to do without. People he'd known, people who died as a result of his choices, all floated in the depths of his mind, and he did all that he could to push them away.

Unfortunately, his efforts didn't work as well as he would've liked most of the time. He couldn't keep his dreams under the kind of control he did his conscious thoughts, and endlessly he heard Manjoume's fierce words as the other threw them at him, saw the pain and hurt in Shou's eyes as his friend denied him.

 _I don't need to sleep._ That wasn't entirely true, but he did his best to make it so.

He spent long hours in the shadows of his chambers, pouring over the maps his minions brought him with the location of local towns and villages, as well as reports about their defenses and suggestions for how to get through them. It didn't matter that his eyes grew dry and red and he began to stop being able to think clearly.

"You should rest, Haou-sama." Soft words, carefully and respectfully whispered by Illusion Fairy as she fluttered next to him. He didn't even look up at her as he stared at the reports brought in by Skull Bishop. She existed only to bring him his meals and do the minor cleaning in his quarters he couldn't bother himself with. He didn't need her trying to mother him.

She hovered there a few more moments, obviously waiting for him to answer or pay some form of attention to her. When he didn't, she sighed and moved away, the brush of her wings sending one of the papers moving across the desk. All he did was pick it up and put it back with the others. His plans weren't done yet. He'd rest then.

Maybe. He didn't like resting a great deal. Not only did it waste valuable time that he could have used for something more useful, but there were other considerations.

Even now, more than random thoughts slid themselves into Haou's mind, as always at the most unwelcome moments. He could avoid them if he were out on campaign. The process of conquering and slaying people seemed to keep them at bay. He didn't do it for that reason alone; Super Fusion needed all of the souls that he could find for it. But doing so served two purposes: bringing those souls into the card of cards and keeping his mind clear of memories and thoughts that didn't befit him anymore.

He wasn't a child anymore. He was only a few months older than he'd been when he'd defeated Brron but he still wasn't a child now. No one could be a child who had done what he did. No child could have done what he did.

A tiny part of him, a part that still seemed to want to wear a happy red uniform and eat anything that would be served in the cafeteria and sleep during his classes – that part of him wished that he could have remained a child. But he knew better.

He was Haou. The word meant one thing to him: responsibility. Someone had to take care of the people of Dark World and make certain that they weren't harmed. At least not the ones who didn't deserve it.

There were quite a few of them who _did_ deserve it, however. Some of them even worked for him. He let them think that they'd escaped their righteous culling for now. They were powerful duelists and great warriors and they would be useful only for a certain amount of time.

But sooner or later, the would step out of line. They would do something he could not overlook and then he would finish them. Some of them might even have the great honor of falling to his hand instead of one of his servants.

The Death Duelists themselves were some of those who would fall. He knew of the treacherous thoughts that wormed their way through Guardian Baou's mind and let them pass: for now. The day would come when Baou would make an attempt against him, and he would fail. He knew Baou's strength and it did not compare to his.

There were moments when he wished he had certain people by his side. He knew that Shou would not want to fight in this world. The idea of dueling to kill went against everything that Shou, as a respect duelist, believed in. But he wouldn't have minded having Shou there anyway, as a friend.

If he could afford to have a friend. As chm as he might _like_ the idea, he knew if he had anything that even vaguely resembled a weakness, that those who dared to raise a hand against him would try to exploit it. In this case, they would make an attempt on Shou's life.

 _He might not fight for killing, but to defend himself?_ Haou thought that might be a little different. It was not something he knew, though he knew well how strong of a duelist that Shou was. It was what he believed. What he thought. What he hoped. _But he's not here. He won't be here._

Shou was somewhere in the world. Haou had given his description to all of his troops and if Shou were found, he was to be brought to Haou without hesitation. If Shou would not fight for him – and he really had no time or care for those who wouldn't fight – then there was a prison cell that would keep him safe. No one would think that Haou cared about anyone who was in a prison cell.

No one had a sight into his heart. He would not give it to them. No one else belonged inside of his mind but him.

From Shou, it was not very hard to make a leap to the thought of Hell Kaiser. Now _there_ was a warrior, one who would fight to defend himself or for any other reason, so long as he could fight. He vaguely recalled having heard that Hell Kaiser had been involved in their return from the world of sand. He'd been too busy mourning Jo- too busy mourning to really pay that much attention then.

If only Hell Kaiser could be there at all. He wasn't blameless at all, of course, but he would be a fantastic warrior to have serve, and there would be no one who could stand against him save Haou himself.

But for those who were there in this world somewhere, only two other names came to mind: Jim and O'Brien. His heart tried to twist at their names, but he refused to allow it. He was Haou. He did not let sentiment rule him. He ruled everything in his sight and much that wasn't in his sight.

Having their strength on his side would have improved matters a great deal as well, nearly as much as having Hell Kaiser. He dreamed for a single moment of having all four of them there, loyal to his cause, loyal to him.

He'd given the same orders concerning O'Brien and Jim as he had Shou. If found, they were to be taken captive without harm, and brought to the fortress They weren't like Shou. They wouldn't avoid fighting because it was against their beliefs on dueling.

He did not know if they _would_ fight, but if they did, then they would be part of his warriors at once, even and above the Death Duelists.

It was a glorious dream but one that Haou never let himself drift into very long. He just couldn't. He had little enough time to daydream as it was and he very seldom liked doing it.

Illusion Fairy had vanished off somewhere. He did not protest this; he needed time to himself to think about what was happening and what else he needed to do.

 _She and Tome-san would get along,_ he thought a trifle randomly. It wasn't often that he truly considered the people of his old life and the people of his new one. But it was true regardless. Illusion Fairy wanted to take care of him, even though he wasn't someone who needed to be taken care of at all.

Tome-san would've done he same thing if she were here. Making certain to cook him whatever he wanted and probably suggesting that he didn't do the things that he did.

Principal Samejima and Professor Chronos wouldn't understand anything that he was doing either. Sometimes he thought Samejima knew more about himself than he himself did. Just the way that the other looked at him now and then.

Or had looked at him. Haou didn't expect that he'd ever see him again so all of those looks were things of the past. Would the Principal ever have an idea of what had become of him?

There were questions that he knew he'd never have the answers to himself. That was just one of them. The locations of Shou, Jim, and O'Brien were in much the same vein. His old friends - former friends - wanted nothing more to do with him. Even if they had no idea of what his orders concerning them were, they would stay away from him.

They blamed him for it all. Shou's biting words made his opinion on it clear, and O'Brien's cold reminder did as well.

 _I couldn't wait. Can't they see that?_ The thought gnawed at the back of his mind. It was part of what sparked his thoughts and dreams that he didn't want to thin about very much.

But there'd been no way for him to just sit and wait for Jim and O'Brien to return with Shou that day. Brron had known he was coming. Brron would've sent people out to him if he'd lingered for that much longer. He would've had to fight someone sooner or later. If it hadn't been Brron it would have been someone who worked for him, and if it had been Brron, then he already had his friends, and there wasn't anything he could've done about that.

 _They shouldn't have come with me anyway._ He'd been glad to see them that day, but now, in cold sober reflection, he knew that he should've come on his own. Then Brron wouldn't have had anyone to use against him, and he could've fought without sacrificing his friends.

He hadn't killed them with his own hands, but by letting them come along with him, he might as well have. It was something he told himself often. Brron had set up the situation in the duel, but if he hadn't let the others come with him, then they wouldn't have been there to be used anyway.

It was a vicious cycle and one that he didn't like to think about at all. There wasn't anything he could do to bring Asuka, Manjoume, Kenzan, and Fubuki-san back. But he could make certain that no one else in this world suffered like they had. He would cleanse this world.

The Light of Ruin had spoken like that, he realized and remembered. He didn't think that it had been right. He hadn't thought it then and he didn't think it now. At least not where Earth was concerned. But this world? Dark World? A place full to the brim with people, humans and spirits, who had nothing that even resembled a kind word for someone else?

He wouldn't submit it to the Light of Ruin's type of cleansing. But he wasn't the Light. He remembered, very vaguely, what Aqua Dolphin had said once upon a time, the day that they might: that they'd looked for someone who had the power of the Gentle Darkness and he was that person.

Haou wasn't certain still what that meant or how he was supposed to have that power, but he knew the power that he did have, and it wasn't gentle in the slightest. No king could be gentle, and he _was_ a king, and forever would be.

When he was through, everyone who dared to even think about raising a hand or a deck against someone else would be dead. Those who truly wished to live in peace would be able to do do. There weren't many of those, he feared, but he would rule over them as peacefully as possible. There would be no duelists, no warriors who would do anything but serve him, and protect all of those who loved peace.

He'd never had a goal like this before. But it was one that he wasn't going to give up on. How could he? He'd seen what happened when those who ruled this world were people like Brron.

It was a goal that had slowly seeded itself in his mind since shortly after he'd dueled Birdman. Birdman's own request, to take over and to abolish the rule of levels, still burned bright. It was what he needed to do, and part of what he was trying to do now that he'd become king.

A year ago, he knew, he would never have thought about this. He couldn't have. His dreams extended to no further than achieving a few fun duels.

Haou's lip curled at the thought now. Duels weren't fun, no more than warfare was _fun_. Duels were combat. Duels left only survivors, victors, not happy laughs and agreements to try again.

But the thought of a tournament, now that wasn't such a bad one. It would show him who was the strongest among his people. If he extended it outward, to the warriors hiding in various villages, perhaps offered the chance to duel him to whoever stood out as victor...

He could not only find strong warriors for his army, but he would be able to locate those who stood against him far more easily. It would work well for everyone.

He scrawled a note to send to Chaos Sorcerer. He could make certain this happened. He liked the idea more than anything he'd thought of in a very long time. A royal tournament, one where the victor even had a slim chance to take his place as king, if the victor dared to accept the final challenge.

It would also provide a great many souls for Super Fusion. It would clear through many of the issues that had bothered him. Taking his army out to attack would do the same thing but this would have its own benefits. More people would be likely to come out if they thought they could kill him than if he were invading them. An invasion would just send the cowards among them screaming.

And if there were still survivors who cowered after the tournament, _then_ he could take his army and destroy every last one of them.

Perhaps this would even draw out Jim, O'Brien, and Shou, as spectators if nothing else. Haou refused to dwell on that thought. He had other ones to deal with now.

It would require a lot of effort to get sorted out. There was one more village not that far away that needed to be taken care of first, though. He would have that one destroyed; it wouldn't be difficult. Not many of them were duelists, and while he preferred the souls of duelists for Super Fusion, he would take whatever he could get.

Haou didn't reflect on things often. He didn't have a need to. Despite how painful it was, he knew that what he was doing was the right thing. Beyond being the right thing, it was the _only_ thing that he could do. What else could anyone expect of him, after what else he'd done? He'd failed to protect a full hand's worth of people who trusted him.

It was all his fault to begin with, anyway. No one could say anything that would change his mind about that. It had all begun with Yubel. If he'd done something different, something that wouldn't have caused Yubel to be so angry with him, then their reunion could've been something _happy_.

He hadn't thought about Yubel in years. He wasn't sure of why. Everything from the time that he'd known Yubel simply had faded out of his mind, just like with the KaibaCorp competition that ended up creating the Neo-Spacians. Not a single thought had passed his mind over the years.

He didn't think much now of his life before this, almost to the point where he didn't even think of himself at Yuuki Juudai. He was Haou. Haou, the Supreme King, the lord and master of this world. Who else could he be? Who else could he want to be?

So, he'd forgotten Yubel. Yubel, who grew furious and raged at his forgetting.

Brron had had his hand in things, but just like he couldn't have killed Asuka and Manjoume, Fubuki-san and Kenzan, without them having come to this world after him, then Yubel wouldn't have – Joh -

His fault and nothing could change that. Yubel had every right to be angry and hate him, and more than anything, Haou wished that Yubel would take that anger out on him instead.

Yubel might well be in this world as well. Haou did not send people to search for Yubel, though. They would die if they did, and it would be of no use to die so far away from Super Fusion. But if he found Yubel, then...

Then Yubel and he would settle things on their own.

A king would lay down his life for his people if that was what it took. His current actions perhaps would confuse some people, but Super Fusion was the weapon he would wield against Yubel should they come to blows, as well as his way to purge the land of all of those who carried evil in their hearts.

Sacrifices had to be made. And Haou would make every single one of them.

One might even say that his first sacrifice had been that of Yuuki Juudai. But Haou knew his old self would do it for those he cared about a thousand times over.

That was something they had in common.

Along with a habit of not reflecting.

 **The End**

 **Note:** Thank you for reading and I hope that you enjoyed the story. Please let me know what you thought of it if at all possible.


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